Netherlands, Hoorn, 3rd of June
I’m back in Holland and I’m staying in the house where I grew up with my mother and my ‘new’ father. This is where it all began, the addiction to food. And I also recently realised what brought it about when I was about 5 years of age.
I have been thinking about this a lot, because you know that I know that you know that I don’t believe in linear time. It is all now, so I was wondering why this keeps coming up. And why I am not choosing to be the person that never had these issues in the first place, and the answer that came to me is because it is part of my purpose.
I am experiencing like no other how real this food addiction can feel and it is awful. No more hiding behind food and feeling all the feels that come up. Holy crap, this is some other level stuff and I had no idea.
In the ‘past’, this version of me has been addicted to smoking, alchohol, exercising, dieting, dating you name it. So to pretend that all of this expansion did not happen is also kind of a waste of struggle isn’t it ;-d
There is a saying that goes something like, do you think you’re enlightened? Go spend time with your parents. I’m probably messing it up a little, but you get the gist. Since I’ve landed foot in this house, everything got real. It is easier when you’re not triggered by every little thing and feeling in a house that knows you inside out with people that [think they] know you inside out. This is all part of the divine plan and I chose it and at this very moment I am not loving it.
My water fast will start in a couple of days and coincidence has it that I will be alone in this house for the next weeks, the parents are on a holiday, so the perfect time for me to plough through all this stuff that apparently wants to be worked through. Well, I’m ready, apparently. And it all has been set up for me perfectly, alone for a couple of weeks. Bring. It. On.
If you’re not sure if this version of you has a food addiction, then stop eating sugar and fast carbs for at least a week. Your reaction to the not-eating and the feeling in your body will give you the answer. This is it for now, I will update you on the water-fast, probably after I’ve been through it. For now sending you much love.
x Victoria-Monique